Dear Santa, we are not sure if we are on the "naughty softball players, nice people" list or the "too nice softball players, naughty people"" list, but we are sure you've kept it straight. After you are done giving those who aren't expecting much this Season more than they hoped for, we humbly ask you load the following in your purple sled:

Cake - Wish List

Coach Corral - A playbill from the short lived and ill conceived "Green Grass and High Tides, The Broadway Musical" featuring Harvey Firestein as Henry Paul. The play was single-handedly credited for killing Southern Rock!! AND at least three teammates who will respond to his e-mails (Hello is there anybody in there?)

Gipper - A gift certificate to Baby Gap so he can buy some more T-shirts (and a pair of scissors to cut the sleeves off)

Showtime - Official recognition from the Guinness Book of Records formally acknowledging him as the eighth wonder of the world (we all know it's true, but a little paperwork never hurts!)

Paulie Bull -An eight day work week

Fiddy - Just one more day with Biggie Smalls

Jimmy No Pants - Some pants (that's a no brainer!)

Stilts - His own private lime orchard

Beanie - Some softball skills, bike riding lessons and GPS on his bike so when that pesky thing doesn't want to be found, Slot Machine has some help!

Kevin Dowd - Home and Away neck braces!

Dr. Evil - A cute Mini-Me

Waterhead - A good lawyer to sue the "One Size Fits All" Hat Company with

Hagar/Touch - A law legalizing off-duty cops shooting opposing softball players

Party Marty/King Triton - His very own ice machine and tuition so he can finish that last semester of charm school

Chips Down - Bodyguards in Juarez, Mexico that are bigger than him so the 'nappers can keep everyone straight

Upper Wedgie - The ability to recruit one more person on the team (we all know who that would be!)

The Artist Formerly Known as "The Moj" - A house that doesn't have a ballfield view

Thirsty - One "Freaky Friday" Sunday morning in which his son could play for the Johnnies

KD - A 2009 "No Play" season pass so that he doesn't have to tell Coach Corral "No!" every time the Coach asks KD whether he wants to play

Rockhead - An "OK" from the Fire Commissioner to have fun on a summer Sunday morning

Johnny Eastover - For Walk League games to be scheduled at 3:30AM Saturday night/Sunday morning at the "Worry Bench"

Blinky - A new contract limiting him to OP, EH, or C. Definitely no OF!

Woody - A guarantee that his natural good jump on a fly ball is actually in the right direction of the fly ball!

Skinny - Sundays off!!

Jimmy D - A dock or mooring right next to the Breezy fields

Trash - As much enthusiasm for the JCs as his son has!

Fritz - To show up Sunday morning in uniform and actually get into a game

Pencil - More 11am games, tasty waves and bitchin' tunes

PWB - Green and white uniforms or at least for bathing suits to be the official shorts of the Johnnies!

Indiana Tom (who lives in Chicago) - The summer off and/or a road game in Chicago

Deck Shoes - Screw in cleats for his deck shoes

Packy - Screw in cleats for his motorcycle boots

Griff - Ditto

Matty D - A disco ball spinning over his head in Left Center

Timmy Mac - Some school spirit on the team

Mysterio - For Wolfie to become a Cake

Yorkie - A 1-2-3 inning

Smitty - More playing time

Pipes - For pre-game bagpiping to count as a few runs for the Johnnies

Federale - Airbags that inflate under a car as it begins to get submerged

W. Espo - A good knee so he can play the whole game against the Bears (or the BPFD)

W. Farrell - A private jet for hops to the D.R. (or some meatloaf. Where is it Ma?!?!?)

Brendan G. - An escape clause from that awful contract he signed with the Floppers!

Petie - More cooler duty and less playing time

The Johnny Cakes Team Gift - The ability to summon up rainstorms at will, say between 8A.M. to 1P.M. every Sunday

For those keeping score at home, that's 43 JCs. If we could have a moment for our homies who have moved on to purpler pastures: Clem, Robbie, Joey Neumanhoff, Coach Mike Radice, Bobby Dwyer, that big guy that used to come with King Triton, Tupac's brother-in-law, and Scooter (give me a moment while this "Indian tear" rolls down my cheek).

Merry Christmas everybody!

Paulie Walnuts - a winning record for the Purple Haze (what a dreamer!).